Flashbacks...

One of my students complained today that he didn't like his reading book because the timeline was "all messed up." Apparently, the author he is reading uses flashbacks to define his main character. My students understand the use of flashbacks as a common practice in movies; however, movies often use visual cues that let the audience know what is happening (screen fades to black, a hazy-dreamlike-filter is applied to the lens, there's a voice over, or an echo in the voices). This is not always the case with books, and when reading in one's second language, it can be even harder to pick up the cues!
Flashbacks are extremely useful for communicating how the present came to be, but we have to read the cues properly. Books and movies are not the only places that we can misread the cues and get frustrated by a "messed up" timeline ... many people's lives are stuck in a flashback. While the past certainly has bearing on the future, it is not the same thing as the present.
Example: I'm afraid of water. I consider plunging into anything deeper than a bathtub and my
whole body reacts with preparations for death. My stomach churns, my vision blurs, my mind races with the knowledge that I will die and at the same time slows to a stop causing an inability to think in a straight line. I've marveled at this phenomenon, tried to overcome it (with swimming lessons and a whole summer spent teaching myself at the health club pool with library books learning the mechanics of swimming and practicing them). Even the ability to swim did not alleviate this irrational fear. There should be a water anxiety anonymous helpline (WAAH) "Hello, my name is Tammi and I'm afraid of water." You can get used to this sort of thing, though chronic, it is not terminal.
But something happened. When I went to Thailand at Christmas, one of our tours found us wearing swimsuits... on a boat... in the ocean... with snorkel gear for all! I was surprised by my lack of fear while cruising on the boat. I told myself that since the fear is irrational anyway, I shouldn't let it stop me from seeing the beautiful fishies in the coral-- after all, I paid for this opportunity and sometimes the fear of wasting money is bigger than any other phobia! So I walked to the edge of the boat's platform expecting the little butterflies to break free from their cocoons in my stomach at any moment. Nothing. I lowered myself into the tepid saltwater. Nothing. I stuck the goggles on my face, adjusted the breathing tube and expected to pry my white knuckles from their hold, but had already drifted away from the boat. I was floating in open water with nothing to grab hold of. Nothing. Wait for the panic. Nothing. Sticking my face in the water and floating along the surface, I saw so many wonders that the Discovery channel can only bring in 2-D. Then the feeling came coursing through my whole body-- elation. I was surrounded by a completely different beauty than can be experienced above water and that was exciting, but I wasn't frozen by fear and THAT was even more incredible! There are 2 other sensations I felt in this experience involving jellyfish and being very,very far from a restroom, but that's a different story.
What's my point? When asked if I want to join in a water activity, my answer has always been (maybe a little too emphatically) "no." Since the rest of the world seems to think that water fun is the best thing since tuna sandwiches, this simple answer is never enough and it's always followed by "why?" My knee-jerk answer: "Hello, my name is Tammi and I'm afraid of water." But now I have to stop and think... I can't live in that flashback-- the innumerable moments that define what I feel about water-- I must live in the present tense, and in the present I'm not afraid of water. I'd have to change my answer to "Hello, my name is Tammi and I'm afraid I might be afraid of water."
So, to live in the present tense, I will have to give myself a chance to enjoy what I never have enjoyed and stop defining myself by the flashbacks in my "book." Fears, worries, mistakes, etc. are powerful enough to make our timelines "all messed up," but we have to leave room for change in ourselves and the people around us.
How about you? Have you stopped yourself from saying goodbye to old fears or worries just because you've always had them? Have you forgotten to live/think like you are a different person than you were 10 years ago? Just a thought...