On the Mend!

I got some worried e-mails about my recent posts (sometimes I wonder if anyone even reads this stuff, but then I realize I'd have the drive to write anyway, so it doesn't matter ). It's so nice be loved from across the miles!
Status report: feeling so much better today! Even before any pain meds this morning, my body is almost pain-free! My students will probably wish they had the sick teacher from yesterday; she let so many things go, she didn't talk much, she let them take a break from work the last 15 minutes of class, she was so much easier!
Well, enjoy your ability to breathe today-- I know I will!

Will I Ever Learn?

You would think I would have made the connection by now!
NO EGGS ON MONDAYS!!!
After the prior Monday-egg-mishap, I should just stay away, but NOOOO, do I listen to that little illogical superstitious voice in my head? of course not!

Today, it was only one egg that met its demise on the counter instead of in the bowl for my french toast pleasure. I knocked it lightly on the counter and it shattered, leaving the contents to ooze down the front of the counter on the floor, etc. As I stared in disbelief, I realized that once again I pushed my luck on a Monday after a not-so-lucky weekend.

I'm looking forward to the end of this day already! I'll make my students do most of the talking to give my achy chest a break and practice smiling when I don't feel like it-- maybe I'll just remember the egg

Have a good Monday when it comes around for you-- and beware the evil eggs!

Deep Breath....

Tylenol PM is a wonderful invention and I'm glad I brought it along! A half-dose and finding just the right position allowed me to sleep all night. When I woke up, I thought maybe I was all better, but then I took a breath and moved-- 2 very bad ideas =)

I cancelled my English study class for today since I couldn't imagine talking that much, but still went to church. I love my church and the beauty of our unity and care also means that we are very involved in each other's lives (most of the time, a good thing =), so if I was gone and they knew I was sick, there might be a posse showing up at my door with the Korean version of chicken soup and an acupuncture kit . No, not really... but since breathing is what hurts and I have to do that wherever I am, I went to church anyway.

Dr. Yang met me at the door (like I said, news travels fast), and asked me about my condition. I told him about my hospital visit and he wanted a careful description of my symptoms; then he said that since all the tests were negative, he would say it's pleurisy and it will resolve itself, but the symptoms could be helped by anti-inflammatories (couldn't they have told me that last night?!?!) He got me all set up with the pills I need for 5 days and they are already helping the pain a little bit.
Summary? bloodwork, x-rays, EKG, and 3 hours in the emergency room on a Saturday night with no conclusions or ideas for treatment: $70.... A caring doctor who listens and gives medication that helps on a Sunday morning before worshipping: priceless!

I love my church and my friends who pour out so much love; pray so many prayers; use their cars and professions as ministry on their days off; and generally let all of us know that we cannot fall through the cracks-- we will not be left alone. The flip-side is all the attention which I'm not used to, but it feels more like Acts 2 than any body I've been a part of before.

It's good to be weak sometimes, to need help, to see the help that is always there. This has been a very unexpected part of living overseas-- my weaknesses are multiplied and magnified while God covers me and becomes everything I need. I'm pretty sure that's how He planned for life to work!

Fame?

I had forewarning on Friday night that my picture would be in the Sunday bulletin. The Korean members were really excited! Today, I got a taste of why it was such a big deal... all morning, my face was staring back at me in the halls, in the sanctuary, in the chair next to me... acckkk!
There are around 4,000 people in our church and they print up (I would guess) around 5,000 bulletins each week (the extras are handed out as tracts on the subways for outreach over the coming weeks). I am the back page along with a poetic narrative written by the high school pastor I work with for the English Bible study.

They wanted to send me home with a whole stack of these so I could give them to all my friends, but I think this is better (eventually, this post will archive and we can all forget about it =) So, here it is, (think 8.5"x11" page!) with the English translation I was given:

Jesus is My Cloth of Heaven!

I feel like I'm part of Korea as I wear a Korean traditional costume. I want to be close with the culture and people of Korea. When we believe in Jesus, we shall be clothed with Jesus as a covering. We live this life while experiencing Heaven in Jesus' arms. ~~written by pastor Cha (Lawrence)

As people passed me in the halls or on the sidewalks near the church today, the normal quick-stare because I'm foreign was followed by a double-take and recognition. So many comments, so much attention, so strange...
Last time that there was a small picture with a few of us foreigners tucked inside the bulletin, we met ourselves on the subway a couple weeks later when we were on the same train where the Korean members were evangelizing-- it was strange to have people sitting across from us thumbing through the bulletin and then glance at us and at the picture again and then at us as they realized we were the ones in the paper they were reading. This one is bigger and oh, so solo! I think I'll stay off the subways for a while =)

A True Story in Reverse

I'm not sure if it makes the suspense worse or better, but if you like a nice, straight timeline, you might want to scroll to the bottom of this post and read your way up so it will all be in order-- but I think it's more fun backwards!

I'll try to sleep and see how it goes tomorrow. Deacon Yang in our English ministry is a physician with a heart the size of Korea and he will look me over if I still have pain.

So, they finally discharged me after about 3 hours in the strangest Emergency Room I've ever stepped foot in. "All the tests were clear, no problems, can't find anything wrong. That will be $70 please." (You'll all be glad to know the pregnancy test was negative too) Overall, there's nothing they could do for my pain and I'd just have to go to a day clinic next week if it persisted.

*** since I'm telling it in reverse, you might think I was alone in my adventure, have no fear, my friends were close-- my friends and church would never let me go-it-alone!***
Looking out the window of my little corner "bay" in the big room full of interesting sick people and their families, I treasured up all the new sights and sounds of this adventure (and finished planning my Bible study for tomorrow). Every 20 minutes or so a new little (or not-so-little) face would peek around the curtain wall to see the white girl sitting in her bed. I couldn't blame them, I was people watching too (ever so sneakily through the reflection of the dark windows )

My friends left to find some dinner after the need for an interpreter was passed and I was just waiting for the next tests. The chest x-ray was not too exciting; but the tech got to ask his one English question "where are you from?" Then my bed was wheeled back down the narrow hall, where after some jockeying and arranging, they landed me in slot 4 of the B section (not where I was b4 =). I got as comfy as I could -- this hospital knows what kind of blankets to use: big, fluffy, and warm! Since it hurt to lie down, I sat there waiting, watching people, reading, texting on my phone, and wondering why no one has figured out a way to warm the IV liquid on the way in so that it doesn't freeze your arm.

It didn't take long to find a nurse who spoke a little English and they quickly had my vital signs recorded, my pee in a cup, and an EKG readout. Giving medical history in broken English is a skill I hope to never have to perfect-- it's hard! While a nurse is taking a blood sample and affixing an I-V, the doctor is trying to ask all these questions and I suddenly realize how much I use my hands for charades to make things understood--universal sign language.

When we finally found the Emergency room (the only part open on a Saturday evening), I was given a bed in the triage section. There were some mementos of previous patients on the sheets: hair, lint, bandage tape... nothing visibly contagious, but strange to see after my years of candystriping and living in germ-aware America.

I knew it would be an adventure as soon as Sue and I walked through the front doors while Yunmo (pronounced Yoon-moe) parked the car. Patients wandering around with lots of family surrounding them, very open wards and gathering rooms where healing happens right out there for everyone to see... "I don't think we're in Kansas anymore, Toto!" We're so secretive, quiet, and protective about all this hospital stuff in the states, but here, it's far more open and do-it-yourself.

It would almost seem best to get sick on the weekend (no work to get out of to see a doctor), but since the clinics and Dr. offices are closed, it means you have to take a trip to the hospital. We were told by the doctor in our English ministry that our best chance at finding English speakers was the Catholic hospital in Uijeongbu. Yunmo knows where it is, so when Sue mentioned our plans to him, he got on his white horse (little black car) and came to the rescue! (his shining armor was at the cleaners) Don't get all excited, this is not a romance story.

The pain was getting worse so that it even overcame my normal resistance to doctor/hospital thinking. So, I called Sue back (she was out running errands) and told her I thought I should go to a doctor instead of going to dinner. She said she would go with me and in the course of our phone tag, Yunmo found out what was going on and offered his car as a taxi.

Following a LLLLOOOONNNNGGGGG Friday (school, tutoring, prayer service, and the midnight-4am shift at the school lock-in), I was feeling sore and tired all day while grading papers and doing little things around the house. After making plans with Sue to go for dinner in a couple hours, I got up to get myself ready-- yes, I spent most of Saturday in my bathrobe -- I realized that it wasn't just some back muscles that were sore, it was my whole chest and over the next hour, my lungs were threatening to mutiny with every inhale and exhale. When it hurts to breathe, you find out how often such an action is really necessary-- wow!

Friday Feast

I just stumbled across this Friday Feast thing in blog world. Each Friday someone puts together a list of questions to answer giving insight into the blogger's mind-- looks kinda fun, I'll give it a try...

Appetizer
Do you button shirts top-to-bottom or bottom-to-top?
I belong to the "only unbutton what you need to get out of it" club-- that's right, my shirts stay buttoned even in the wash! So, I start in the middle and work my way up.

Soup
What is your favorite sandwich?
Ham and swiss. Boring, I know, but in Korea, non-processed ham and cheese is hard to find and very expensive when I do, so this is a delicacy!

Salad
What was a family project you helped work on as a child?
Rebuilding a hi-lo camp trailor that my dad's family wrecked when he was a kid. Dad spent hundreds of hours out in the summer heat ripping that thing apart and putting it back together. Sometimes I would brave the July sun to help, but I always got bored, tired, or cranky long before he finished for the day. This was the summer I learned to measure twice and cut once

Main Course
When have you acted phony?
In middle and high school there were many times that I played dumb a little bit. I didn't want to stand out, and the best way to get lost in the crowd academically was to be mediocre. Most of the time this was convenient because procrastination is my middle name and that makes for mediocre work, but when faced with a point-blank question from friends or teachers, I would sometimes answer "I don't know" when I realized that I might be one of the three people in the room who could answer.
OK, so it didn't end with graduation-- I've pretended ignorance on occasion since then... nobody likes a know-it-all! And I don't know it all! I tell myself it's for the comfort of others in the room, but it's really just me being selfish or lazy.

Dessert
Do you write letters or postcards? If so, to whom?
I write letters to my friends when I think they need encouragement or when God gives me something to say to them. To my friends and family living 5,000 miles away, I usually e-mail these letters.
Post cards should be flowing in a steady stream to folks back home since I'm in a postcard worthy place, but I've never sent the stack I bought when I got here-- does this blog count as a postcard?

Didn't think so

Hanboks-- coming to a runway near you!

Now we're wearing Korean clothes... do you think we'll blend in?

Say "Kimchee!"

The Gauntlet

Year of the Boar

No, not the boar

New starts are always fun! With days off work/school and big family celebrations, Lunar New Year is a bigger deal here than the Jan. 1 New Year. We got dressed up in Hanboks (maybe I'll post a picture of this... maybe...) memorized the Korean phrase for "May you have many blessings in this new year" or something like that and greeted the Korean members as they came into church.

Lunar New Year's Eve was spent at Everland (the BIG amusement park near Seoul) where we went on a safari, joggled our post-lunch stomachs with crazy rides, and spent fun time with our very international group from the English ministry at church: a hodge-podge of accents from Korea, Canada, Sri Lanka, USA, Peru, Philippines, and other corners of the globe.

We're also coming up on mid-third-quarter reports and all the grading madness that goes along with it. I should be grading and working right now, but evidently the year of the boar isn't any more organized than the dog we just finished! Oh well, the year just started, so I'll go try to whip this piggy into shape!

Love Gently Falling...

Happy
Valentine's Day!

V-day was pretty fun here. We had the normal class interruptions for candy deliveries by the student council fundraising team, the school-wide sugar high by 2nd period, and a general holiday buzz amongst the book study and quizzes.
Since my school is very Western, we did acknowledge the holiday, but it's not all-encompassing like in the states. This means that people don't feel the pressure of obligation to give gifts or glittery cards and balloons (they have other holidays for obligated show-you-care-or-else! =) With the pressured tokens of love and friendship out of the way, every little token you receive means a million times more!
Disclaimer: my experience is limited to the "single" world-- those who are married or otherwise attached may be held to a higher level of obligation )

The other difference is that the majority of my middle school and high school students aren't straining for relationships and wishing that they had "someone to share the holiday with." This has brought many a student/friend to tears on this day back home. Though I could empathize, I could never really identify with these feelings, so it follows that I'm much more comfortable with the celebration here. Don't get me wrong, there are MANY single-wishing-I-wasn't friends in my church and school circles here, but since V-day doesn't belong to Korea, it isn't rubbed in their faces so much.

In fact, I saw this movie that I loved for how it dealt with being not-yet-married-or-maybe-ever in a culture that expects marriage to be top priority for every citizen: Miss Potter. It's a chic-flick; but the cinematography is also incredible if you're not into the chicky thing! I found it funny with some great one-liners from spunky single-but-determined-to-live-life-anyway characters. I often find movies "funny" when really they are described by others as "touching" or "sweet," but then, I find most of life funny, so I'm not a reliable movie scale-- see it for yourself =)

I like the heart/love/chocolate/show-u-care day here! It gives us all a chance to breath for a moment and remind each other that "you matter to me and I love you!" I've always wondered if V-day really could be that simple-- in a country without Hallmark, it can. Of course, it helps that the steady stream of sugar entering my body today came in the form of chocolate

In relation to yesterday's blog entry, V-day is also an opportunity remember that I'm not that person anymore: the one who *never* wants to get married. I find myself in those old patterns of thinking (cynical) at times and forget that God has changed my heart to be willing for whatever He has in store-- even giving up being single Since God worked so gradually over the past few years, I forget that this change in thinking renders my knee-jerk responses on the subject useless. The fears that drove me to the "marriage? no thank you!" attitude are still easily roused; however, God only gives good gifts, so I have no need for fear, and only excitement for whatever, wherever, whoever lies in the future.
**I mention this because some of you never knew that my mindset was changed and the last thing you heard from me was a few years ago and it was emphatically against what you know as a wonderful blessing-- yes, you may take this moment to say "I told you so" =)
**and don't get so excited, this is not a sneaky introduction of a "special someone" in my life-- all my chocolate came from students and female co-workers-- no prince charming on the horizon that I am aware of.

So, as we wrap up Valentine's day here in the Asian time zones, enjoy yours just dawning on the other side of the globe. Beyond all the hype, it's a great holiday to remember what/who matters in your world. Hug the ones you love and don't say no to chocolate!

Flashbacks...

One of my students complained today that he didn't like his reading book because the timeline was "all messed up." Apparently, the author he is reading uses flashbacks to define his main character. My students understand the use of flashbacks as a common practice in movies; however, movies often use visual cues that let the audience know what is happening (screen fades to black, a hazy-dreamlike-filter is applied to the lens, there's a voice over, or an echo in the voices). This is not always the case with books, and when reading in one's second language, it can be even harder to pick up the cues!
Flashbacks are extremely useful for communicating how the present came to be, but we have to read the cues properly. Books and movies are not the only places that we can misread the cues and get frustrated by a "messed up" timeline ... many people's lives are stuck in a flashback. While the past certainly has bearing on the future, it is not the same thing as the present.
Example: I'm afraid of water. I consider plunging into anything deeper than a bathtub and my
whole body reacts with preparations for death. My stomach churns, my vision blurs, my mind races with the knowledge that I will die and at the same time slows to a stop causing an inability to think in a straight line. I've marveled at this phenomenon, tried to overcome it (with swimming lessons and a whole summer spent teaching myself at the health club pool with library books learning the mechanics of swimming and practicing them). Even the ability to swim did not alleviate this irrational fear. There should be a water anxiety anonymous helpline (WAAH) "Hello, my name is Tammi and I'm afraid of water." You can get used to this sort of thing, though chronic, it is not terminal.
But something happened. When I went to Thailand at Christmas, one of our tours found us wearing swimsuits... on a boat... in the ocean... with snorkel gear for all! I was surprised by my lack of fear while cruising on the boat. I told myself that since the fear is irrational anyway, I shouldn't let it stop me from seeing the beautiful fishies in the coral-- after all, I paid for this opportunity and sometimes the fear of wasting money is bigger than any other phobia! So I walked to the edge of the boat's platform expecting the little butterflies to break free from their cocoons in my stomach at any moment. Nothing. I lowered myself into the tepid saltwater. Nothing. I stuck the goggles on my face, adjusted the breathing tube and expected to pry my white knuckles from their hold, but had already drifted away from the boat. I was floating in open water with nothing to grab hold of. Nothing. Wait for the panic. Nothing. Sticking my face in the water and floating along the surface, I saw so many wonders that the Discovery channel can only bring in 2-D. Then the feeling came coursing through my whole body-- elation. I was surrounded by a completely different beauty than can be experienced above water and that was exciting, but I wasn't frozen by fear and THAT was even more incredible! There are 2 other sensations I felt in this experience involving jellyfish and being very,very far from a restroom, but that's a different story.
What's my point? When asked if I want to join in a water activity, my answer has always been (maybe a little too emphatically) "no." Since the rest of the world seems to think that water fun is the best thing since tuna sandwiches, this simple answer is never enough and it's always followed by "why?" My knee-jerk answer: "Hello, my name is Tammi and I'm afraid of water." But now I have to stop and think... I can't live in that flashback-- the innumerable moments that define what I feel about water-- I must live in the present tense, and in the present I'm not afraid of water. I'd have to change my answer to "Hello, my name is Tammi and I'm afraid I might be afraid of water."
So, to live in the present tense, I will have to give myself a chance to enjoy what I never have enjoyed and stop defining myself by the flashbacks in my "book." Fears, worries, mistakes, etc. are powerful enough to make our timelines "all messed up," but we have to leave room for change in ourselves and the people around us.
How about you? Have you stopped yourself from saying goodbye to old fears or worries just because you've always had them? Have you forgotten to live/think like you are a different person than you were 10 years ago? Just a thought...

February already?!?

Before I turn in early for the night, just thought I'd catch up a little bit on this here blog.... Lots going on right now, and yet I think it's just little things adding up to big lists to keep track of =)

Overall, life is very good! The sun made an amazing appearance today and we were blessed with an early taste of spring after one of the coldest weeks we've had so far! Unfortunately, during that very cold week, the furnace for the 2nd floor where I teach died and required some major repair-- the hard-working support staff at our school made sure we had some gigantic propane space heaters in our classrooms (but the fume headaches were almost worse than the hypothermia =) I'm not complaining, it's just a few of the little things that have added up to a very tired and slightly overwhelmed week.

We also welcomed something like 15 new students to the new semester, the majority being middle schoolers. This required some quick skills testing while re-arranging our class structures to accommodate and get the new students assimilated and keep our classes on track.
I've taken the privilege of sponsoring the middle school spelling bee and the preparation for that is one more little thing that will continue until March 9 when our team of 4 students will pile in a van and take on the teams of other international schools for fun and the chance to spell our way to the top!

Many of our teachers are at the end of their contracts this year and looking to other teaching opportunities all over the world, so the sense of suspense, hope, and a little nervousness is prevailing in the halls. This, I believe, is the nature of second semester in international schools and next year, I will have the question of the following year's plans to deal with. For now, I'm just glad it's not one more thing to add to the list of things swimming through this brain-- there is, however, some brain-space taken up by prayer and thoughts for my good friends who are dealing with all these questions, applications, interviews, and uncertainties.

Along with a new semester at school (and the annual switch from U.S. Government to Economics for senior social studies which always takes me by surprise and stretches a different part of my brain-- you'd think I'd anticipate it after 3 years of practice, but somehow I never learn =), I also have begun a new endeavor at church. The high school group (about 200 students, I think) has been wishing for an English Bible study to help students improve their English skills while studying God's word. The pastor and director of the youth ministry anticipated a small group Bible study of about 10 or 12, but it kind of blew up into a class of 30 students, some adults who teach in the youth ministry, and the youth pastor and director (both of whom have to earn their keep translating some parts for students with limited English ability =)

We just had our first study today and although I was a bit overwhelmed by the task, it is truly where I want to be! With so many students, I wasn't able to really meet them all individually in this first week, but I look forward to finding out who they are and their English levels (I think we have the whole spectrum of early beginners to a few intermediates!)
Have you ever had the opportunity to find yourself smack in the middle of an Ephesians 2:10 moment?

"For we are God's workmanship,
created in Christ Jesus to do good works,
which God prepared in advance for us to do."

Yep, it was kinda like that! It hit me a little bit while I was planning the lesson (see the next post for a synopsis), but it fully hit me while teaching the class today: here I stand in Korea doing something He's been preparing me my whole life to do! The spiritual gifts that He's given me, the Biblical education and spiritual foundation I received growing up, the youth ministry and teaching opportunities, the failures I've learned from, the successes through relying on His power, and even the guitar He placed in my hands-- all these things have been building into exactly what I needed to lead this class today!

When you find yourself in that place of suddenly realizing that you are overflowing with joy and strangely energized while expending lots of energy acting in obedience to the ONE who equipped you to do the thing that is bigger than you, it's a blessing which brings confidence and humility, joy and holy fear, an out-of-body experience at the same time that you're more aware than ever that what you're doing is not in your own power, but you've been chosen to take part in His grand plan to expand His kingdom on earth.

Overstated? I don't think so.

Only meant for a few? I don't think so.

I say "when" you find yourself in that place not "if" because He is faithful to His Word and Ephesians 2:10 is His truth, not mine! Live in courageous faith, stepping into His will at His leading and you'll be amazed how the God of the universe will choose to use little ole you to do the thing you were designed to do!

You might have to go to bed early when it's all said and done though!

Love In Any Language

Maybe you've read 1 John chapter 1 a lot of times. Maybe you've been struck by the brilliance of God's Word when you weren't expecting it. Maybe you've been able to look at an "old" text with fresh eyes. Maybe you can allow me to guide you on a tour of this very thing happening for me...

Preparing to teach an ESL Bible study, I've begun to look much deeper into the simple grammar than I would need to for a study of my own. John begins 1 John and his Gospel in almost parallel ways! He feels the need to set a foundation: why write this? In 1 Jn, it's simple: we MUST proclaim what we have experienced. Even when translated to English, the grammar is quite telling... he moves from passive verbs in verse 1 to more active verbs and finally a power-verbs =)

1 John 1

The Word of Life

1That which was from the beginning, which we have heard, which we have seen with our eyes, which we have looked at and our hands have touched—this we proclaim concerning the Word of life. 2The life appeared; we have seen it and testify to it, and we proclaim to you the eternal life, which was with the Father and has appeared to us.

Think about it. As an apostle, he began as a bystander/watcher and then an active seeker of the truth in all that was happening around him and finally, when he had experienced it all first hand, he saw no alternative but to actively testify and proclaim to everyone!

When he begins his gospel and his letter, John is adamant that we realize Who Christ really is and what God is truly wanting to accomplish. Jesus is the WORD (Jn 1). Words are the parts of language and language is simply the way of communicating. Have you considered what an amazing thing communication is?! Every word is bursting with meaning-- a symbol of SO MUCH MORE THAN a bunch of carefully penned lines and squiggles. Jesus was the same thing-- God's love in a WORD.

OK, just go with me on this... if you find yourself in the midst of a language you can't understand, it doesn't matter how great language is, because you're lost without a translater (take my word on this one =) We learn new languages to communicate effectively. God embodied a "language" to communicate to us.

While I grew up speaking English in America, it was no big deal. Expected. Normal. Not a privilege, just a way of life. Now I find myself in a land where this simple skill I never asked for is sought after and in high demand. Odd. Yet, I feel the same way in wanting to know how to communicate with my Korean neighbors-- they think nothing of their skill, but I'm desperate for it!

This is really no different than people who wander around our world without the saving knowledge of Christ. This world is a confusing place, with rules we can't understand, futures we can't see and we lack the capacity to understand all the signs around us-- our brains can't access the cosmic communication that surrounds us-- even if we know it's there! God is light, Christ was the light to the world, this light is able to make the hidden things visible.

If we have the opportunity to learn the language and live in the knowledge of the WORD who was God and the WORD Who IS God, then we better be lending our translating skills to the foreign travellers in this world who are wandering around the giant subway station of life looking at all the signs of God's love and salvation without understanding. I've been this person wandering around Seoul Station, feeling the helplessness that comes with a complete lack of ability to understand the communication. It's almost worse KNOWING that those signs on the wall would tell me exactly what I need to know if only I could decipher them!

Jesus is the Communication, God is the Communicator, we are the translators-- we MUST proclaim, testify and teach what we've been blessed to learn (some of us without even realizing the incredible privilege we have!)

So, as I encouraged my hi schoolers today.... look for the ways God has blessed you to communicate HIM today. Your mode of communication may be English, Korean, music, mime, hugs, or giving directions to the subway-- but whatever He has prepared you to do, you must know that even the "little things" are a big deal when it gives you the ability to speak God's love in someone else's language!

Go and let Him use you to "talk" to the wandering people around you! And if you ever see a foreigner wandering around with that confused look, just think, in another country, that could be you =)